I hate you! I hope you die!

21 Jun

What do you do when someone says that to you?  What do you do when your own flesh and blood says that to you?  What if that flesh and blood is your own seed…….your child?

I am assuming some parents would run and lock themselves in their room.  Some would slap every single taste bud out of their kid’s mouth…

Some would cry, some would get depressed and spend days wondering where did they go wrong.

I often though I may be the parent to slap the taste buds out of their mouth, honestly.  But when my youngster blurted these words out his mouth to me with such venomous intent, I looked at him and felt bad for him because he thought he was hurting me and he was blind to the fact of how the “enemy” controls him, his behavior, and the way he thinks.  Granted my fault as a parent is NOT bringing him to Christ from the time he was born, but I prayed over him daily as he was in the womb.  I knew that somehow with my family DNA, this child was pre-destined to be corrupt in one way or another, regardless of how much of a conscious effort I may do, think, or pray to get him to go down “Positive & Blessed” Lane.

But I have been corrupted, corroded, and caught up for so long, I can empathize with being under the reigns of the “enemy”.  That’s why I felt bad, and I had to do something.

I suppose I should have been hurt,  or even upset but I wasn’t.  My heart started to pour out to God as I prayed silently.  I asked the Lord for guidance in connecting to my child.  I asked the Lord to guide me and properly equip me to fight the “enemy” for my child.   I knew I had to do something.  MY son wrote me a hate letter (which I now keep in my Bible).  I pray for him every time I pray, but I know I really had to step up my game, because having him attend service with me, and praying, and being positive wasn’t enough.

One thing I realized I needed to do was get rid of the common things that corrupts the mind of youngins.  And I realize that we need that one on one time in the Lord and with the Lord ans mother and son.  I knew that I had to connect with him on a different level biblically so we do studies made specifically for teens.  One thing about the way I parent is that I do not hide or sugarcoat my life, I share that so that he can see and learn from the mistakes I made, and understand how and why I know what I know.  God gave me a testimony to share with the world, and that includes my very own family. 

(One thing about my family is that they think they know me, and they have no clue as to who I am.  They have no clue as to the things I have done, witnessed, and experienced.  They know my name and pretty much developed their own perception of me based on bits and pieces,  as oppose to who I truly am.  It’s funny that my extended family knows me better, the women that I call my sisters know me more intimately, and I thank God for that everyday.)

So I do indeed share my “1001″ testimonies with my child. I pray that one day he will appreciate it.  I’ve learned that when I am speaking to my son and giving him one of my “talking to’s”  I have made it a must that when I tell him I love him that I always tell him that the Lord loves him too.  Now he is a work in progress (just as I am) and I am up against a serious case of the “Teen Rebellions”, but its okay, the Lord will lead us through it.  I show my son by example to pray about everything, and I let him lead in prayer or close in prayer before we get cracking on our studies.  I show him to get on them knees before guide and pour his heart out.  He’s shy about praying in front of folks , but its cool, I still encourage him.    My ultimate goal is to get him plugged in where he can be around his peers and really take his own journey walking into Christ and let our father transform him.

Right now the “enemy” is definitely piercing his heart and it plays out in a lot of things, the attitude, selfishness, irresponsibility, inconsideration, spite, anger, etc.  Mama is right there praying for him, quoting scripture to him, reading the bible with him, and some simple motherly love and quality time.  Do I want to go get my boxing gloves and go a few rounds with him?  Most times….YES, so I say a prayer for myself too.  I pray that I will have an abundance of patience and understanding.  I pray for an abundance of consideration for his feelings.  I pray for strength not to let his words break me down (I am stressed, but not broken).  I know the “enemy” wants to break me down and use my child to contribute to that, once I break down, it wont be hard to take the rest of my family, but God made me a fighter, not a punk.

So what do you do when your child says “I hate you, I hope you die”.  You say “Thank you” (with a smile), and love him through the power of the Holy Spirit and all that motherly intuition and strength the Lord blessed you with…..but keep the boxing gloves in the cut….just in case you need them…..(I’m just saying).

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One Response to “I hate you! I hope you die!”

  1. GD 06/21/2011 at 9:08 PM #

    A phase all teens go through. But, through the anger, they may have feelings that you may want to examine because they could be justified in their anger. But the hate will pass.

    Thanks for sharing this powerful post. Best of luck in your journeys.
    -GD
    Visit my writing blog at http://shelleddreams.wordpress.com/

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